TW: Talks about her mother's death, dips a little bit into her depression and meds.
اوووه! هذه الصورة لا تتبع إرشادات المحتوى الخاصة بنا. لمتابعة النشر، يرجى إزالتها أو تحميل صورة أخرى.
Alexandra stared at her ceiling, she was sad and tired out of her mind. she couldn't sleep the night before. She watched the sun rise through her window. She slept for an hour and had a nightmare about being shot.
She just felt different. She felt like everything was too much, and she felt like she had no motivation to do anything. She had kind of been feeling that way for a couple of days but that morning felt weird, that morning it really hit her. She's usually good at hiding it but sometimes it just catches up to her. The specific month is always hard.
She had a lot on her mind. Liam was pissed that she had lied to Shoupe. The island club party was coming up quickly. And she was still freaking out about the men they were chased by. She spent the night binge eating due to the stress.
She needed to choose a charity for the party, which was way harder than she thought. She thought she could just pick something and go with it but nope. She had to fill out a bunch of paper work and get opinions from many people.
She was stressed out of her mind but that was the usual. She hated how privileged she was to be stressing about a charity party vs actual issues.
Her phone buzzed beside her and she could already tell it was Doug, he had been bothering her all day the day before and that morning.
She grabbed her phone and put it on do not disturb.
Alexa should be used to the mood swings around this date, she should be used to feeling down. The real reason causing her to be stressed, upset and moody was that her moms birthday was coming up. And It was coming up fast. Ever since the accident, Alexa had dreaded her moms birthdate and death date.
Although her moms birthday was more manageable than her death date. It was hard, and she felt like it should've gotten easier but it never did. She feels constant guilt for living this lavish life, living these many adventures without her mom.
Without her mom there's just a part of her that feels empty, and nothing...absolutely nothing could ever fill it. She feels as though that gaping hole inside her just keeps growing and one day it'll just swallow her.
She has her ways to cope, like hugging her pillow and pretending it's her mom. Or spraying her moms favorite perfume around the room and pretending her mom is at work. It works temporarily but temporarily isn't a fix for forever.
She doesn't like how life moves on without her mother. How absolutely nothing stopped. Except to Alexandra everything stopped. Her mom was her best friend, the person who would help choose a prom dress, would help her decorate her college dorm, would walk her down the isle, or be a grandmother to her kids.
