The Memories of Night | 18+

𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲

𝗔𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗱/𝗦𝘁𝗲𝘃𝗲

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𝗔𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗱

"I can't believe they stuck you at S.H.I.E.L.D., seems like a waste of talent."

I stood in line at the bakery just minutes from my apartment, an all-brick building that had been around since I was a little girl. My parents used to bring me to Bakeology when I was little and we had an assignment in the city, their puff pastries were always my favorite. It was one of my fond memories with my parents because when I was in Washington I was able to call them Mom and Dad, not agents. Here I was just their child, in New York, I was their prodigy, I couldn't make a mistake. Maybe that's why I always loved their missions based out of the Pentagon because I knew that I would get to experience a normal family life. I had longed for that, but my parents made it clear when I was young, I was not their child, I was their project, yet I still hoped one day they would see me as their kid, not their agent.

I stepped forward when the line moved, remembering that I was on the phone with my best friend Jennifer, we were in the same training group growing up, and now she was in Prague on a mission. "That's not even the worst of it, you'll never believe who I have to work with."

"That makes me nervous."

I smiled at the guy in front of me when he turned to look at me, his eyes widening when he saw the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo on my jacket, but he nodded once, a sign of respect, and turned toward the front again. "Rumlow," Jennifer gasped, we both hated him, he made Jennifer uncomfortable and I hated him because he got all the love and affection I craved from my parents, even to this day. "He greeted me at the front this morning when I walked through the front door, and by greeting me I mean he told Director Fury that I would be under his training since he knew my father, and the director agreed! So I'll never be able to rid myself of him, I wanted to cry Jen, but I'm the sole female in the group I'm in and you know what they always say to us in training."

"You're weak if you cry," Jennifer sighed, the chair she was in creaking through the microphone, "We have to prove ourselves four times over for this stupid job we didn't want to begin with."

A chill shot up my spine and I tried to slow my breathing to not give away the panic that settled in. I always got this feeling when I was in danger when someone was watching me. But I was in a public space, I had no enemies of my own, and my parents never truly claimed me as their child so I wouldn't have their enemies following me, they wouldn't miss me if I was gone anyway. I closed my eyes, listening to Jennifer in my ear as I calmed my racing heart, and when I opened my eyes again, I glanced around, my stomach dropping when I saw what caused the panic to spur. Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff were sitting at a booth, ducked close together as they talked, Steve's eyes glancing towards me and it was like the world froze, everything else in the world washed away when his blue eyes held mine.

I wasn't going to lie, it hurt when he accused me of sleeping with him to only get ahead. I hadn't known I was going to be at S.H.I.E.L.D. when I let him lead me into the bathroom. And it seemed like he forgot that he was the one who came onto me, not the other way around. I didn't pursue him, he pursued me. Yet, he was my superior, he held my future in his hands, and as much as I hated my life, the job I was forced into, I knew nothing else, if he took the only thing I've ever known away from me, I wouldn't have anything else. My identity would be gone. And truly that was what scared me the most, who am I if not a weapon? I'm no one. I'd be alone.

I looked away, and it was like someone pressed play on the world, sounds came back, people were milling about, a woman was smiling beside me, talking about how wonderful the bakery was, and I felt the tendrils of a panic attack gripping my chest. Everything was so overwhelming, I've never had that before, never had someone make everything silent, and it scared me. "Star?" Jennifer's voice in my ear made me gasp, that nickname they gave me as a kid because they didn't want to call me Astrid. "You good?"