In The Bleak Midwinter | T Shelby

THIRTY THREE - PAYING THE DEBT

The gun felt cold between Tommy's fingers as he held it firmly in his grasp. His eyes were closed in pain, however not physical.

Luca and his men had ushered Tommy into another room, walking past Bonnie who lay unmoved in the corner. Thomas stole a glance as they passed the boy, his heart breaking as he saw how deep the wound in the side of his skull was.

Though the grief didn't stay on Bonnie for as long as it should have. With two men's hands on his shoulders, pushing him into another dark room illuminated only by candlelight, Tommy tried swallowed the lump in his throat when he saw Kaia for the first time in what had felt like an eternity.

She was alive, part of him could rest knowing that, but he didn't know how long she'd stay that way. The girl looked unharmed, her eyes dark with tiredness and her skin purple in patches of bruises and bounding from the rope tying her hands behind her back.

As she looked up at Thomas from the floor, her knees at her chest, he knew immediately that she knew what he'd done with Lizzie. Whether John had told her himself, she'd guilted him into it, or somehow she just knew, the look in her eyes made Thomas feel far worse than he would've felt if he'd have walked in and seen her dead body.

Her eyes held sorrow and regret, a deeper heartbreak than any human had ever felt before. She looked pitiful, almost as if she felt sorry for Tommy as she looked up at him, knowing his mistake would cost him a lifetime of unhappiness and despair over the sake of a moment of weakness.

He swallowed, feeling every single string in his heart snap one at a time, the pain feeling like his soul was being dragged out of his body through his feet, everything he had inside of him that was pure and good was being ripped away from his bones in the most malicious way possible, and it was all at his own hand.

"Tommy!"

His eyes opened when he heard Finn's voice, turning his head to see the boy being restrained by two men, one with a gun to the child's head without a hint of remorse on his face.

"Finn," Tommy breathed, watching as the men held him back when he tried to wriggle free and make a dash towards his brother, "It's alright, don't worry."

"It's her," Luca spoke, standing a few feet away from Tommy with his arms crossed, hat tilted to the side and a pick between his teeth, "Or your little brother."

Tommy didn't look at Luca, he couldn't take his eyes away from Finn who had never looked so terrified in his life. The sickness was almost unbearable, his heart was thumping hard against his chest and even so, he felt like he couldn't breathe. The air was thick and cold but Tommy felt like his skin was on fire, sweat dripping down his neck and beneath his clothes.

He glanced down at the pocket watch, the time just before three in the morning.

"Listen, Thomas, you either shoot the girl, or we shoot the kid. You don't get served a black hand and get your debts written off, you understand?" He shifted his weight between his feet, "I mean, you saw the guy by the door, didn't you? He paid his debt."

Tommy looked into Kaia's eyes as Luca spoke, watching her whole body tense up when he mentioned Bonnie, knowing now that the boy was dead. The weight of the situation was bone-crushing, stemming from an honest act of kindness from Bonnie had resulted in a dark twist of misfortune for two families, torn apart right down the middle with the only thing holding them together being love.

Kaia shuffled on the floor, lifting her head to look at Tommy. She had imagined the first time she'd see him again a million and one times over in her head, revelling in the feeling of her heart beating normally again, the sensation of his fingers on her skin and his lips on her neck, the sound of his voice saying her name and the way he felt like home when he held her in his arms.

Now, as she looked at the man who she never admitted her love for, she didn't see him at all. She saw a stranger.

"You might as well shoot me," she said, her voice hoarse but tone firm, "You've already ripped out my soul."

The words rang in Tommy's ear like the echoing of a shell or the firing of a gun. He knew that she felt dead inside when she looked at him, the misery behind her eyes told him everything he needed to know, she resented him and the pain he'd brought to her.

She made him hate himself, everything he'd done to convince her to try, to just let herself fall in love with him and see what it could be like for the two of them, the only two people in the world to have the same mind, to have a life together that they could finally exist happily in. Thomas knew that Kaia Gold was made for him, and he was made for her. Their bodies and minds were constructed to complement one another's in a way only two soulmates could. He'd never believed in love at all, not until setting eyes on Kaia. She'd turned his world upside down and the for first time in his life, he wasn't angry about change. With her, anything would be worth it.

Only now, knowing that he was dead to her, Thomas had nothing else left to live for.

For a second, he debated putting the gun to his own head, only the sound of his younger brother's rabid breathing from the corner reminded him that he had to get Finn out alive, even if it was the last thing he'd ever do.

He raised the gun, looking past the end of the metal and straight into her eyes. She showed no emotion, emptiness embodying her presence that haunted him with memories that once made his heart burn, now turned him to ice.

He took a breath, his body freezing in place as he clenched his jaw.

"In the bleak midwinter."