Baby Maybank

31. River's Birthday pt.2

John B's pov

"What's his problem" Sarah says when I walk inside

"Come here, Kie you to, Pope stay with the kids" I say walking to my room

"Got it" Pope says

"What'd he say to you" Kie says

"He's mad about the bike because of how much I spent and I didn't tell him I was getting it. He thinks River likes me more because I'm cooler then he is and he thinks that River hates the bike that he got him because it's not powered. He was already beating himself up this morning thinking he's a shit dad cause of the whole Disney thing and I feel like I made it worse. Maybe I should just return the bike then everything can chill out." I say sitting down

"John B you didn't make anything worse, he's just having a rough day" Sarah says sitting next to me. "And River loves that thing already you'd just be making him sad" she says

"Yeah thats the hard part. I just don't want JJ to be mad. He said I was bragging cause I have more money then he does. He was upset that I got him a better present it's so stupid" I say

"I don't think it's stupid. You have to understand for the past two years he's had the thought that he's not good enough to be River's dad and you giving River that bike today probably made him feel that he's not good enough especially when River called you the best and his friends were talking about how cool you are. Add all that on top of today and he was bound to break. It's not your fault John B, but maybe you should've thought maybe how JJ would feel and talk to him about the bike" Kie says. "I'm gonna talk to him get him to come back in, we have a party to finish" she says leaving the room

JJ's pov

After John B went inside I went down to the dock. I've been sitting here crying some because I'll never be a good enough dad to either of them.

The pogues think that I'm ok and that I do think I'm good enough. Truth is I've been feeling like I'm not good enough since my relapse at that party. I thought then that I wouldn't relapse that I was gonna prove John B wrong and stay clean. I'm been clean since then, but I'm always scared that I'll get invited to a party again or something about Brooke comes up and I end up drunk and high.

Last year on this day I almost did it after I got home from River's party. I sat on the couch with a bottle of vodka while River was asleep I wanted to drink it and get wasted cause I couldn't stop thinking about Brooke and how it was already a year, I ended up throwing it at the tree in the backyard and cried myself to sleep.

I'm feeling the same way I did then now and I really wish I had that bottle.

"Hey, you ok" I hear Kie say as she makes her way down the dock

"Yeah" I say wiping my face

"River's asking for you and Kai's getting fussy. They miss you" she says sitting down

"Yeah River can sit with his super cool uncle John B who's the best" I say annoyed

"Don't do that will you just come inside" she says

"I need a few" I say looking at my hands

"JJ it's River's party and your gonna sit here and pout." She says annoyed

"I'm not pouting" I say

"I get why you're mad. John B probably overstepped getting River that bike and especially not talking to you first, but he was trying to make River happy cause he knew he wanted a bike and that you didn't have a lot of money for one. When he thought of bike he thought a powdered one because little kids love those things and he thought of you with your bike and thought that the motorcycle would be cool, so you guys can like ride together. He thought you'd like it and knew River would like it since he wanted to be like you when he's older and ride a bike." She says