The First Cut Is The Deepest

Chapter 10: Without You, But I Have To

⚠️SOME PRETTY HEAVY STUFF AGAIN, IN THIS CHAPTER, SO CONSIDER THIS YOUR WARNING!⚠️

🎶Song of The Chapter: "Breathe" (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift ft. Colbie Caillat🎶

"Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,

Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple,

Never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can't,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve

People are people,

And sometimes it doesn't work out,

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple,

Never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can't,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to"

~Lyrics from: "Breathe" (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift ft. Colbie Caillat

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4 Months Later...

Kiara's alarm goes off at 6 a.m., an hour before she usually gets up for work. She doesn't have to be in until 9 a.m., but these past few months, since she's been back in Santa Barbara, she's been waking up before dawn...before the sunrise. The sun doesn't even rise until right before 8 in October, but she only likes to sleep in the bed with Casey for as long as she absolutely has to. She'll give Casey what little credit he doesn't even deserve, but the last time he's angrily put his hands on her, was the day they left the OBX, the day she left her heart and soul with JJ, four months ago.

Once they were back, Casey insisted that Kiara move in with him. Her mind was on autopilot, and she knew she had to do everything Casey wanted, to ensure he wouldn't harm her or JJ. That's what she would wake up and tell herself everyday. Do this for JJ, do it for as long as it takes, until it's safe to go back to him. That was her mantra every morning, while she waited for the sun to rise. The same sunrise that her one true love already got to look at three hours prior.

When she moved in with Casey, he was back to the same Casey that she knew and actually cared about before everything happened back in the OBX. Except now, she didn't care about him, quite the contrary actually. She despised him for what he did to her, the trauma he's caused her to have, that he's the reason she can't be with JJ. But, she has no choice but to play the game. She hates the way he acts like everything is fine, and that they are this perfect couple again, hates how he touches her leg when they are driving, hates how he touches her skin, hates how he feels inside her during sex, hates how he cuddles her afterwards. She hates it all. Hates it mostly because of who these actions belong to, but hates it the most because they aren't JJ's.