The First Cut Is The Deepest

Chapter 12: Home

🎶Song of The Chapter: "When You Say Nothing At All" by Alison Krauss & Union Station🎶

"It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart

Without saying a word, you can light up the dark

Try as I may I could never explain

What I hear when you don't say a thing.

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me

The touch of your hand says you'll catch me where ever I fall

You say it best, when you say nothing at all.

All day long I can hear people talking out loud

But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd

Old Mr. Webster could never define

What's being said between your heart and mine"

~Lyrics from: "When You Say Nothing At All" by Alison Krauss & Union Station

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Kiara has been in the hospital for ten days now. When she woke up from her five day comatose state, Dr. Holbrook told her they were going to keep her for a couple more days just to observe her vitals and make sure everything was good enough to send her home. Unfortunately, her blood pressure was extremely high, most likely due to the stress of everything that has happened within the past week and a half. She gets discharged tomorrow afternoon though.

Mike and Anna, once they knew Kiara was awake and physically okay, went and got a room at a nearby hotel. They're still at the hospital every day though, checking in on their daughter. But JJ however, refused to leave Kiara's bedside. Every night, he's been sleeping in the incredibly uncomfortable recliner right next to her, holding her hand or resting his hand on her arm.

Every day, Kiara takes JJ's arm and they walk up and down the hospital hallways, getting her legs and body moving again. She's still incredibly sore and stiff from doing nothing but laying in a bed for five days, and her entire body feels bruised. Granted, she was just in a pretty horrific car accident ten days ago. Dr. Holbrook tells her it's going to be a while before she gets back to how she used to feel, which irritates Kiara. She detests feeling like this, like she can't give anything her all. JJ and her parents try to reassure her that she'll be back to normal in no time, but the truth is, Kiara doesn't know if she'll ever be the person she used to be before any of this happened...before she carried and lost an unborn child without even knowing it. That's what has been eating at her brain and keeping her up at night.

The thought has lingered in her mind for days now since she woke, How did I not know? Well, Kiara has had irregular periods since she first started having them when she was 12. She started taking birth control at 16 to help regulate them, but every once in a while, she would still skip a month here and there, and that's been carried with her into adulthood, so she didn't think anything about it when she did last month. Plus, these past four months when Casey would want to have sex, they always used protection. So, how did it even happen? she often wonders to herself.

The thing that makes her stomach feel physically ill, and heart sick, is the fact that it wasn't a piece of JJ that was growing inside her. She abhors the fact that it was Casey's, but another part feels guilty for not even knowing about it. Not even getting to experience what it felt like being pregnant and knowing that she was.

Now, Dr. Holbrook tells her that she may have difficulty getting pregnant in the future. For years, Kiara swore up and down she never wanted kids, until she finally got with JJ. On the surface, she still doesn't think she does. But deep down, she knows that one day, she would would love to have a little Pogue baby, a piece of her and JJ running around. Now, she doesn't know if they will ever be able to have that, after the trauma her body endured from not only getting into the car accident, but also having a severe miscarriage. She still gets a dull cramp every once and a while on her lower stomach, and it brings a tear to her eye each time, not because of the pain, but because of the guilt.