throwing rocks at your window // Topper Thornton

twenty-one

do you even care?

Rafe dragged his fingertips over the back of my arm before lacing his hand with mine. I snapped out my daze and reflexively looked up at him. I gave him a small smile and he pulled me into his side as his dad continued to tell some story about how amazing he was in some high school sport. It was always one of the same ten stories and I stopped listening when I was about 13. Rafe and I had each story, each dramatic pause and exaggerated gesture, memorized and spent hours repeating them back to each other, trying to be the most like his father. If we were feeling bold we'd even stand behind him, mouthing the words and matching his mannerisms and he would never even notice.

Being together, being with his family, was comfortable and familiar and felt like home. It made me feel like I was a kid again, with no worries or responsibilities or obligations. I always felt like I was 5 years old and they treated us like we were too.

But it also felt like a cage.

They knew who we were, rather they decided who we were and who we would be, before we ever said our first words. If we ever tried to grow or change they'd force us back into our box because it wasn't in line with what they'd always imagined for us.

The pressure was intense but it drew Rafe and I closer together. We understood each other, our lives, our families, in a way nobody else could. We lived and endured it all together. When one threatened to break under the weight of it all, the other was there for support.

That's why we were meant to be. I didn't have to tell him everything I'd been through. I didn't have to explain my family dynamic or tell him how to be there for me. Because he was there by my side through it all and he showed me what I needed.

But is it really what I needed or is it just what I've been told I needed?

"Sienna?"

I shook my head and blinked a couple of times as I tried to clear the stray thoughts from my mind, "Sorry, I'm in my own little world here."

Our parents laughed and Rafe's dad took a sip of his beer, "I asked how you two finally got together."

I leaned into Rafe and faked a wide smile, "Oh, you know. Being away at college brought us closer and made us realize how we felt about each other."

Rafe's dad shot him a look, "If being away from home made you realize you should be together why did it take so long for you to start dating?"

I felt Rafe stiffen under me and my heart was racing, "What do you mean?"

Rafe's dad tossed his empty bottle in the trash, "Rafe was just dating someone else and was serious enough about her to introduce her to us. So what changed?"

The mood shifted almost immediately and tension quieted the chatter and laughter. Rafe told me we should just forget everything that had happened and that we should just say we've been together since the fall so this completely blindsided me.

Why hadn't he told me?

I felt so stupid. I would've told the truth if I had known they knew.

My stomach dropped and I felt acid burn the back of my throat.

"You met her?" My voice was almost inaudible.