throwing rocks at your window // Topper Thornton

thirty-five

TW: Smut and some abuse

this is as far as it goes

I stood in the shower, letting the water run over my tense muscles. I flexed my hand over and over, smiling at the dull ache that radiated up my arm.

Definitely broken.

I closed my eyes and let my mind paint a picture against the black canvas.

Rafe. Heartbroken, heavy eyes. Red, splotchy skin and deep scratches in his shoulders. From me or her? He looked the way that I had felt my entire life. Empty and alone.

My whole body winced at the sound of the front door slamming.

Rafe or Topper?

It always came back to the two of them. One or the other. Back and forth.

I spent the last hour standing in the shower, convincing myself I would be okay without Topper. I knew that there was no way he would want me anymore after this.

I had promised him I was done with Rafe and I knew that if I went back on that again, I would lose Topper.

I clearly wasn't done with Rafe.

So goodbye, Topper.

Topper was safe and warm and pure comfort.

Boring and vanilla and suffocating.

Rafe was scary and manipulative and uncertain.

Sexy and passionate and dangerous.

Maybe I'm the problem.

I couldn't handle the steady, easy, loving environment Topper created for me. I wasn't that kind of girl. A relationship kind of girl.

I missed the stress and anxiety and worry that came with Rafe. The fighting and the self care that went into vying for Rafe's attention. The adrenaline rush that flowed through me when, at the end of the night, he came home with me. The smirk on my face while his hand was on my ass and the envious gaze of all the other girls was burning a hole through me.

I missed the screaming and fighting. Passive aggressive text messages and social media posts. Hooking up with someone else where we knew the other could see or hear us.

I missed that sickening knot in my stomach and his cold rings on my neck.

I turned the water off and walked into my room, completely naked and dripping water all over the floor. I scanned my room and my mind went blank as I registered that all of Topper's stuff was gone.

I knew he wouldn't stick around, but the reality of seeing my room so empty was a punch to the gut.

I picked up the folded piece of paper that sat propped up against my pillows and traced the thin, small 'Sienna' written across it.

I swallowed and tried to get myself to open it. To read it. But I couldn't.

I sat it back down and made my way to Rafe's room.