Kook princess II Kiara Carrera

Chapter 5

TW PANIC ATTACK

My parents drop me off at Sarah's house because she's my babysitter. We're both sitting silently as I read a book and Sarah does some writing. The door beside us suddenly opens and I look up panicked only to see Topper. Sarah rolls her eyes and goes back to her writing. He looks awkward. "Hey." She looks up at him not answering. "Hey, how's John B? Is he-- is he doin' alright?" 

I raise my eyebrows. Is he forgetting that he pushed me down too? "I'm alright, thanks Top." He ignores me. Sarah glares at him. "Like you give a shit." "You realize, I did not push him. You either, Em. He lost his balance and he fell, taking you with him." I roll my eyes. Sarah glares harder. "Don't lie to me." "You guys fell against the rail. Not my fault." 

Sarah is mad. "That is messed up." She scoffs standing up so she can pace. "You forget about us, like- Midsummers was supposed to be our -- our coming-out party. That was supposed to be something special, right?" "What does it matter, Topper? We're in high school. It's not like we're getting married." My eyes widen.

"I don't care if we're in high school! I love you!" "No you don't, Topper!" "I love you!" "You love the idea of me. You love being seen with me..." "Stop." "But you don't love me." "You have no idea what I'm feeling. You have no clue. What about-- what about this summer? Right? This summer was supposed to be legendary." 

"I don't care anymore, Topper. I can't be with you. Not after last night." She starts to walk away and I stand up to follow her. "Oh, after last night?" "Yeah." "You-you wanna talk about last night." She stops. "Sure." I can already tell this is a bad idea. The door opens and Sage walks in. I feel the breath leave my lungs. I haven't seen him since that night. Sarah and Topper are still going at it.

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"Did you forget the part where you cheated on me? Huh?" I can feel his eyes on me and it's making me uncomfortable. My ears throb with blood. My heart thuds against the inside of my chest. My hands tremble. My toes are tingling. As if I'm seeing through a fish-eye lens, my eyesight is distorted. I've got to get out of here. I can't stand being around him. I can't even fucking look at him.

I walk out, ignoring Topper and Sarah's disagreement, and attempt to get as far away from him as I can. Finally, I pass out behind the house, concealed from public view. My fists are clenched so tightly that my nails dig into my palm as I sit. Breathing is difficult. Like really difficult. As if I'd just completed the world's longest marathon. I can feel myself starting to cry. My chest tightens as bile rises in my throat, and I cry even more.

Someone sits beside me and I look up panicked as I struggle to breath. John B stares back at me concerned. "Hey, hey, it's ok." "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." "No, this is not your fault. You're ok. You're safe." I shake my head. "No, I'm not. He's always gonna find his way back into my head." I sob harder and John B looks at me even more concerned. 

"Do you want me to go get Sarah?" "No! Please don't leave me." He nods and carefully puts his hand on my back. When I don't flinch away he rubs soothing circles whispering reassuring words. Finally I calm down and I look up at him embarrassed. "I'm sorry." He shakes his head. "Don't be. As I said before, it's not your fault." "Can you not tell Sarah about that? It's just, if you do, she'll ask all these questions and I'm not ready to talk to anyone about what happened so...." 

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He nods. "I promise, I will not." I wipe my eyes and he goes to grab Sarah. I have to go with them wherever their going because my parents want to make sure someone has an eye on me wherever I go and that someone today is Sarah Cameron. Lucky her. They start talking but I'm not really paying attention because I'm spaced out as I walk behind them staring at my feet. When we get to our destination, I look around and we're at John B's house.