Right Now | Rafe Cameron

08: what's your biggest regret?

EIGHT

what's your biggest regret?

The next morning Billie tumbled out of bed with a headache. All night, she'd had these dreams. They didn't make any sense, there was no logic, no sense of space or time, no relevance whatsoever. But it was always about the same person. She kept waking up, like her brain was reacting to whatever bullshit her inner-most subconscious concocted.

"Morning," Uma said and bit off a piece of toast. Billie kept one hand on her head as she waved to Uma with the other. "Sleep well?" Uma's tone was amused and it made Billie look up to see her smirking. She was not awake enough for this conversation.

Billie walked straight to the coffee-pot and poured herself a cup. It wasn't until after she took her first sip that she could even think about what to say to Uma, who was still eyeing her with expectation.

"How was your night? Is James still here?" Billie said, trying to divert the attention from her.

"It was great. He's in the shower," Uma said quickly, brushing her away and stepping closer with urgency. "Who was in your room last night?" Uma stopped and looked at Billie with disgust. "Oh god, it wasn't Sam was it?" She frowned.

"As if, my god Uma how could you think I'd ever go back to that asshole?" Billie said and shivered at the thought. No, never again.

"So who?" Uma persisted.

"No one," Billie said, rolling her eyes at her stupid response. Uma had heard him. "I'm not going to tell you, it's too embarrassing. So please don't ask me about it?" Billie looked pleadingly at Uma, who furrowed her eyebrows in concern.

"As long as it's not Sam," Uma said slowly, eyeing Billie suspiciously.

"It's not, I promise. Now can we please drop it?" After a while Uma nodded silently and Billie smiled gently as thanks. "I need to go to work," she said and put her cup down on the counter.

After ripping her sheets from her bed and throwing them in the hamper, ridding herself of the memories of last night, and those unsettling dreams, Billie got dressed and went into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, the sound of her electric toothbrush drowning out her unwanted thoughts about the previous night that kept crawling back. As she pulled her hair back to wash her face, she saw a line of purple marks on her neck.

"Fuck," she muttered and reached for her make-up bag. She carefully applied concealer on her neck, silently swearing to herself. That's what you get for trying to pretend bad choices were never made, she thought to herself.

When she said bye to Uma and closed the door behind her, her phone rang.

"Hello," she said and started walking down the stairs. She could hardly hear the voice, the signal was notoriously bad in the stairwell. "Hold on, I'm almost out," she rushed and eventually threw herself out on the street, hoping her caller wouldn't have hung up. "Can you hear me?" she panted.

"I can hear you," her brother said impatiently but slightly amused. "Where are you?"

"I'm on my way to work," she said and looked at the time on her phone. "I'm surprised you're awake."

"Well, Sarah keeps a tight ship," he yawned. "I'm opening the shop today so she can go to the spa with Kiara."

"Cool," Billie said as a weird wave of alienation brushed over her. She wasn't part of that world anymore. But somehow everything remained the same back there. Sometimes she wondered what her life would be like if she never left, if she'd never broken up with JJ and if the Pogues had remained her emergency contacts for ever. It was like a vacuum.